Byline: Fiona Looney
HELENA Bonham Carter has said that because her latest movie, SweeneyTodd, wasnt shot in chronological order, her breast size changed during thefilm according to how pregnant she was in each scene. Funnily enough, the exactsame effect can be achieved if you run old Spice Girls videos out of sequenceand watch Victoria Beckhams performances. And I dont recall that havinganything to do with her pregnancies.
THE current TV advertising campaign for popular programme Zoey 101s magazine isenough to make most parents blood run cold. Promising cheesy lessons in lifeand styling tips to enable its young readers to emulate their small-screenheroine is all very well: but when that heroine is real-life Jamie Lynn Spears,pregnant at 16 and surrounded by the worlds most dysfunctional family, its hardto break into the pocket money with too much enthusiasm.
FADING rapper Sean Diddy Combs has announced that hes changing his name yetagain. From now on, the star wishes to be known as Sean John because, he says,thats where I am right now. In the toilet, in other words.
MONDAY might have been the most depressing day of the year for half thepopulation, but for the female half, it was one of the better days.
Forget tumbling house prices,collapsing stock markets, soggy weather and creditcard billsMonday was also the day on which we learnt that Keeley Shaye Smith has piled on32kg since her 2001 wedding. If there is one thing guaranteed to make womenhappy, its other women putting on weight.
Even better, the woman in questionnow tipping the scales at a hefty 95kg (15 stone)is loved by one of the worlds sexiest men, Navans own Pierce Brosnan. I dontcare what the scientists say days dont come much better than that.
FOR a country that markets itself on Technomarine Fake the basis of the craic to be had here, Isometimes think we need to lighten up. While half the country is up in armsbecause The Lonely Planet Guide suggested that Tralee is not quite as fragrantas its roses, others amongst our countrymen have been busy telling tales to theRace Relations people in the UK. Brian Silver Cufflinks Kelly, a Kent-based union official, hascomplained that a Conservative councillor told an Irish joke at a meeting anddemanded he be sacked. In fact, the only objectionable aspect of thecouncillors joke was that it wasnt particularly funny. But Kellys finely tunedanti-Irish radar also decreed it to be offensive, and now the UK authoritiesare wasting time and money investigating the whole affair. The rest of usshould give thanks that the many British who live and holiday here dont havesuch finely-tuned antennae: Otherwise, wed have no tourism industry at all.
WHAT kind of crazy drink-driving penalties do the Americansor more specifically, the Los Angeles courts hand down?
Just days after 24 star Kiefer Sutherland was commended for his ability to foldpillowcases during his time behind bars, fellow thirsty driver Lindsay Lohanwho recently served a mere 84 minutes of jail timehas been ordered to spend four hours in a morgue as part of her punishment forthe same offence.
Surely thats the kind of sentence that would actually drive someone to drink?
I USED to take some comfort from the fact that no matter how old I got, U2would always be older. Now, though, Im not so sure. Photos of the fab fourwearing 3D glasses at the Sundance Festival were less Men Behaving Badly andmore Last of the Summer Wine. In fact, the band resembled nothing more than agroup of pensioners left behind after their bus had departed from a breezyBrighton day trip. Which means that round about now, I probably look like ThoraHird. See what rocknroll has done to us?